Image by merwing✿little dear
This is not a style blog, I don’t think I’ll ever be the type to post outfit photos, I really don’t photograph well and my wardrobe isn’t anywhere near as impressive as all the fashion bloggers’ out there. I have recently been thinking a lot about style however, and more specifically, everyones’ right to wear whatever they want.
Up until the age of about 18, I harboured a secret anger towards my parents for what I then perceived to be years of deceit and lies. Their crime? My parents led me to believe that I was normal-looking, beautiful even throughout my childhood, so when I got to those image-obsessed teenage years and the truth I probably already knew - that I didn’t look exactly like everyone else – hit home, I spent a long time obsessing over the way I looked.
The reason? Severe scoliosis, diagnosed at birth, which I’ve had surgery for but which will probably never be able to be corrected to the point at which I look “normal”. This post however, is not about my back, my image hang-ups in the past, or anything that “deep”, it’s not a pity post, it’s about clothes! I look back on what I perceived as a wrong-doing on the part of my parents, and I realise now that it was exactly what I needed. It fostered in me self-confidence from an early age, and also gave me a love of beautiful clothing which hasn’t diminished in the slightest. I love shopping, I love dressing up, I think in part thanks to them.
It never occurred to me as a child that I should be any less interested in clothes and fashion than anyone else. True, some clothes looked better on me than others, but that’s true of anyone, I just had to be a little more careful what I wore. It was only when I reached my teens did I begin to realise that there are people out there who think those of us who are imperfect-looking, for any reason, shouldn’t worry ourselves with concepts such as dressing nicely. Leave looking pretty to the perfect tens, apparently some believe that the rest of us should be covering ourselves up and worrying about other things. For a couple of years, I believed that too. I wore baggy t-shirts and jeans, using the excuse that I was a “bit of a tomboy” far more socially acceptable than the truth.
The truth, I realise now, is that I believed that there was no point in wearing the pretty clothes I longed to wear and being girly, because it wouldn’t make any difference. I’d still be weird-looking, so why bother? This gradually evolved into what I now think was a belief that I didn’t deserve style.
I don’t think anyone should ever have to feel like that.
Image by merwing✿little dear
I got through my teenage angst phase, became a goth for quite a long time, and slowly, goth fashion piqued my interest in my personal style in general. Lace and velvet tempted me to become girly again, and nowadays although there are far more colours in my wardrobe, that hasn’t left me. Even if I’m feeling really bad about myself, wearing a really nice dress can make me feel just a little bit more confident.
- Nobody should ever feel like they don’t have a right to style because of what they look like.
- That beautiful, perfect garment is just as beautiful in a size 24 as a size 8!
- Big, baggy and plain doesn’t work, loosely fitted almost always looks nicer.
- Don’t let the physical attributes you can’t change stop you from expressing yourself however you wish, and that includes expression through your clothing and personal style.
Once I realised I didn’t have to hide under tent-like clothes all the time, and in fact realised that it probably did more harm than good, I started to learn what suits me and what my good features are. My back may be wonky, I may have uneven shoulders, but I have killer legs and I can’t believe I ever hid them under baggy trousers!
I have a lot more confidence than I used to be, but I still don’t photograph well. One day I may post photos of my style, but not right now. This has turned into a bit of a rant, but amongst the miryad of style blogs out there, it probably goes a little way to explaining why I’ve never tried to write about fashion.
Fashion and style may possibly be a little shallow, but it’s fun, can make you feel great and should be enjoyed by everyone!
Right on, lady! This post is inspiring. You and your killer legs are right on about body image and how easy it is to be negative. Is this a woman thing? So many of my girlfriends, myself included, struggle day-to-day with image. When I look at them, though, all I see are beauties.
xoxo,
Megs
Thanks for such a well-thought out and honest post today hun. I was in the same boat a few years ago when a medical condition of mine caused substantial weight gain – I had to really come to terms with the thought that I still deserved to look pretty even if I didn’t look slim anymore. It may seem shallow, but in terms of self-esteem that thought runs deep.
Right on! I really appreciate this post.
I have scoliosis too. It’s moderate, and it’s noticeable in certain styles of clothing. I used to be horribly insecure about it in the past, but I’ve mostly overcome those insecurities within the past few years. I kind of realized that I shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed or shamed or less beautiful than any other girl out there just because I wonky back. So I began to wear what I wanted to (even if it revealed my uneven waist). And once I started wearing what I wanted (which ultimately meant coming to terms with my insecurity) my self-confidence boosted.
I’ve long since ditched the days of black on black ensembles; my wardrobe is much more colorful now.
What a honest, heart-felt post! We all have our own body image issues to deal with. Even girls who others perceive as “perfect” find ways to feel bad about themselves, and it’s painful because ever experience of pain is one’s own. In reality, none of it matters. We are all beautiful in our own ways. But the pain is very real. Congrats on moving forward through yours. I’m proud of you girly!
This is the exactly “about me” post people asked you to write in the survey! And it’s great!
This is a great post!
You put it perfectly when you said it was a “belief that I didn’t deserve style.”
From about 15 to 18 I always dressing to cover myself, never happy with how I looked.
I wish I’d known then what I know now – that I was absolutely gorgeous.
Turns out your parents weren’t lying after all – you are a beautiful person.
This is hands-down my favorite post of yours! Not only is it inspiring, it’s pretty damn real. I had a friend say to me once “Models are skinny and tall because clothes look best on them”….Uhhh, reality check, we all need to wear clothing…and we all deserve to enjoy what we put on our bodies. Thanks for sharing this!
This is a great post, and to be honest really refreshing. I like outfit posts, but I really loved reading your honest feelings about style. I am always considering what’s right or wrong when it comes to style, is it shallow, etc. But I don’t think these thoughts are shallow at all. Style means so much and I like reading about how personal it is to you.
This is a very inspiring post. No matter who you are or what size you are, you have a right to style. I love that idea and I thank you for posting it on here. I also thank you for being so open and honest with your words. It’s truly wonderful when you can open up and share a personal story about yourself so thank you.
http://positivelypresent.typepad.com
I’m really glad this post had such a great reception! This is the kind of direction I’m hoping to go in from now on, when I finally get around to updating the “The Idea” page it’ll explain it more fully.
You’re all fabulous and I really enjoyed reading your perspectives on things!
xx